ever_neutral (ever_neutral) wrote,

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The piece that would fit.

Urgh. Exams. Keeping me from my meming. BUT THAT IS ALL OVER NOW. Back to regularly scheduled fangirling.

Favourite Male Character

Principal Snyder. Yup.

Okay I didn’t expect anyone to fall for that.

My #1 BtVS male is Spike. Obviously. Followed by Principle Snyder.


Here is where I insert discussion pertaining to the awesomeness of William the Bloody.

Except. Shit. I’ve been sitting at this computer for half an hour, thinking of how to do the guy justice. I mean, what can I say about Spike that has not already been said by 10 million other fangirls???

I might as well just rec marketchippie 's every Spike-related meta because that shit is on. Same fucking feelings.

But fine I shall have a go anyway.

So. I liked Spike pretty much from School Hard. I mean, who didn’t? The scene that fixed it for me was the last one: “From now on, we’re gonna have a little less ritual”, etc etc. everyone knows the quote off by heart. My kind of person. Defiant. I think as a female, I’m expected to say some stuff about cheekbones too, but really, my initial reaction to Spike was more of the fanboyish DAMN I WISH I WAS AS COOL AS THAT GUY.

But Spike ended up being a surprise to me. Because while I loved and enjoyed him as a character from day one, I didn’t expect to care about him as much as I ended up doing. I think the turning point was I Only Have Eyes For You. I mean, he has that FUCK YES AWESOME STUNNING FLAWLESS moment at the end with the wheelchair, but earlier on, there’s that little moment after he and Angel and Drusilla come to their new home, and Angel’s fooling around with Drusilla and making some insincere comment about he loves to see Spike smile. And Spike just turns (wheels) away and says, “Yeah. You’re a giver.”

And that might be a totally insignificant moment, I don’t know, but it was the moment I sat up and went: HEY. I KNOW YOU. I KNOW YOU.

And hence, I don’t think it was surprising at all that Spike was an unbelievably idealistic dreamer as a human. I mean. All of us arrogant contemptuous cynical selfish punks, are we not all idealists at heart? :) :) Spike is a guy who - up until that very last scene in Grave - tries every day of his immortal existence to kill that (weak, uncertain, victimized) person inside that longs for goodness and beauty and truth. He gives up on the idea of achieving it soon after he’s turned, and focuses on achieving the other extreme instead. Better to destroy than create.

Except. He never completely succeeds. And he's still trying to conquer Mt. Everest. The only thing Spike wants more than to be the baddest baddie in the history of badness, is to be good: to reach that pinnacle of light, ecstasy, effulgence. (Of course he is in love with Buffy Summers. Of course he is.) As an artist, I can relate. Man, can I relate. William’s poetry might have been shocking, but the feelings. were always exceptional. The vampire who feels too much. Tries to be indestructible instead. Oh yes, over-identification happening up in this bitch.

Of course, Spike is a lot more awesome than I. He is brave, for one. "I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it." It's a glorious contradiction - how a person can have so much shame, and yet be completely shameless.

And he's resilient. My Spike is not the smoldering Byronic hero of gothic romance (I mean, he can be, but that's just because he is such a very good actor): what he actually is, is a fuck up. He fucks up, falls flat on his face, picks himself up, fucks up some more, tries again, fucks up even worse, and then at some point, finally, finally, he gets it right.

And when Spike gets it right, what we have, gentle viewers, is effulgence.

Here endeth my ~feelings.

P.S. Also, he's a fan of the Sex Pistols. Man after my own heart.
Tags: i stan therefore i am, meme: 30 days of buffy, obligatory psychotic jackasses: yay, word-vomit, ■ buffy the vampire slayer
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