When someone asks, "how are you?", they really don't want an answer.
My womannnnn. Speak to my soul. I think this is one of those gems I missed the first time around because the pilot repulsed me so thoroughly (OH SHOW, I REALLY DO LOVE YOU NOW, I PROMISE), but--this whole scene is a great ~encapsulation of Elena's character. She's the girl who feels at home in graveyards! She'd rather talk to inanimate objects (and… crows) than real people in her life. WHO CAN BLAME HER? I don't. And that particular quote up there, reveals rather. a. lot. Elena is angry. We don't see that anger too often, but let's not take it for granted that it's not there! She's angry that she has to pretend to be okay for people; she's angry that nobody sees through her; she's glad--and proud, despite herself--that nobody does. Gurl, come to my bosom.
People die around you. How could it not matter?
Haha, remember that anger I was talking about? This whole scene is one of my favourite Elena moments, honestly, because: DAMN girl, you bitch-slap that psychotic jackass. (Things I get off on, whatever.) And good gawd, THE RESONANCE OF THIS QUOTE A SEASON AND A HALF LATER. Of course, Elena is talking about herself, deep down, truly, and that's why she allows herself to be really fucking angry, the way she is, right here, in this moment. It's human life; it's an awful waste. How could it not matter? The reality of Elena Gilbert is that she identifies with monsters more than the living, breathing people she has to look after. MY HEART, IT BEATS.
STEFAN: I should have died that night, just like I had chosen. I should have let Damon die, too.
ELENA: But you didn't. And if you die now, it's not gonna change what happened.
STEFAN: Every single person that's been hurt...Every single life that's been lost, it's because of me.
ELENA: The night that my parents died...I blew off family night so that I could go off to some party. I ended up getting stranded, and they had to come pick me up. That's why we ended up in the car at Wickery bridge. And that's why they died. Our actions are what set things in motion. But we have to live with that.
Yessss, all of that dialogue is necessary. But it's really the bolded parts that stay with you, because: wise woman is wise. I'm not so sure that this is a triumphant power-of-love moment so much as it is a stunning ELENA moment. She's able to talk sense into her foolish man, because like I said… she identifies with monsters. And it's sad and terrible, that this seventeen-year-old girl believes herself--emotionally--to be no better than mass-murderers! It's one of my favourite things about her, though, so whatever. She is smart enough to know that nothing will change what's already happened. Nothing she does will bring her dead family back; she will never be granted absolution or forgiveness, as much as she longs for it. But goddamn it, she can give that forgiveness to others who are (objectively) even less worthy of it.
But he did this to me, Stefan. Which means he doesn’t really know what love is and to be honest I don’t know if I do. I’m seventeen years old. How do I know any of this yet? I know that I love you, Stefan, I know that, but my future, our lives together, those were things I was supposed to do as they came along, I was supposed to grow up, decide if I wanna have kids and start a family, grow old, and I was supposed to have a lifetime of it. Now, that’s all gone… I don’t want to be a vampire, Stefan. I never wanted to be one.
You get three caps because: her faaaace. Nina Dobrev is my wife. Also, I really dig that middle shot of Elena touching Stefan--absolute certainty in the midst of absolute uncertainty. Great body language work, guyz. Anyway, what do I even say about this quote that dozens of others have not? The vulnerability offset with total self-awareness. It's just a stunningly written scene. Elena's been struggling with the point of living for a long time, you know, and the truth finally comes out--she's been stumbling through this whole ordeal, really, because she doesn't truly know anything. (She's only seventeen.) She doesn't know what love is! And I'm glad, because yanno, I'm no longer seventeen and I have no idea what the hell it is either. We're all blind fools stumbling through the dark, yo.
We need to do this, ok? Breathe, eat, sleep, wake up, and do it all over again until one day, it's just not as hard anymore.
WAHHHHH. Yep… She pretty much said it! Life: how does it work. I think Elena would like to believe that one day it won't be as hard anymore, but I don't know that she really believes that and, well, there is your depressed heroine in a nutshell. How does she even have it in herself to be around other people at a fucking Gone With The Wind moving screening? Mind boggling. Boggles the mind. I believe Elena's thinking the same.
That's all for today, folks. What will tomorrow bring? idk idk. I'm makin' it up as I go along. ~Talk to me in comments.